


I'm Not Shooting the Dog (The Secret History of Neal Caffrey, Part One)

by elrhiarhodan



Series: The Secret History of Neal Caffrey [1]
Category: Kingsman (Movies), White Collar
Genre: Alternative Universe (or is it?), Backstory, Brief appearance by the self-rightous prick Chester King, Crossover, Eventual Peter/Neal, Gen, Mention of Mozzie - Freeform, Pre-Movie, Pre-Series, This explains Neal Caffrey and his extraordinary and amazing skills, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 22:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11793003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elrhiarhodan/pseuds/elrhiarhodan
Summary: Neal Caffrey has some incredibly amazing and diverse skills, skills that not even the most dedicated autodidact could master.  He's poly-lingual (nine or more languages), an Olympic-class fencer, his marksmanship is exceptional - especially for a man who hates guns.  He's a world-class chef, a master distiller, an architect, a gambler, a connoisseur of fine wines and clothing and music.  There is literally nothing he can't do, no situation he can't master, no risk he won't take.Mozzie might have given him the basics on how to be the frontman for the cons he'd wanted to pull, but Neal's skills had been polished and his talents nurtured on an estate outside of London.  For six months, Neal Caffrey had been a knight-candidate at Kingsman, an independent intelligence agency founded after World War I.Or, (for the Kingsman fans) what if Eggsy wasn't the first non-aristocratic candidate that Harry had proposed since Lee's death.





	I'm Not Shooting the Dog (The Secret History of Neal Caffrey, Part One)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [buefo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/buefo/gifts).



> Okay, so about three weeks ago, I finally watched Kingsman: The Secret Service, and fell headlong into the trashpit. It's stirred up so many feeeeelllsss and it seems that all I'm doing is reading Kingsman fic and thinking about Kingsman, and watching the trailer over and over an over again. Because, _well_ Colin Firth and Mark Strong (guh).
> 
> And I started doing what I always do when I encounter a new fandom, I start thinking about how I can cross it over with my old fandoms (yes, I have at least three White Collar/Flash crossovers in my WIPs folder). First was an idea for a crossover with a Flash AU I've been writing for the last nine months, but that's not able to really go anywhere right now, since the main story is still far from finished. 
> 
> Then I got to thinking about White Collar, and all of the pieces fell into place.
> 
> I usually have a rule about not publishing unfinished stories, but since I'm actually not certain where this is going, or how long it'll take me to write (even my shortest stories seem to go epic lately), I'll be publishing these as short(ish), stand-alone fics as the mood strikes. If you have ideas for where this should go, please leave me something in the comments.
> 
> And for my dear friend on Tumblr - Archvistsrock. Thank you for the encouragement.

**England, 2003**

Despite six months of extensive training, despite a never-quite-forgotten desire to follow in his father's footsteps, despite near-perfect marksmanship scores, Neal Caffrey still doesn't like guns. And he likes guns even less when the snobbish prick known as Arthur hands him a Glock-22 and tells him to shoot the dog. His dog.

Raphael has done nothing to earn such a terrible fate. The Spinone is sweet and gentle and perfectly trained, just like a Kingsman's dog is supposed to be. But still, Arthur orders him to shoot his dog.

Neal knows just what this test is. It's a test of obedience. To see if he'll follow orders, no matter how repugnant they are.

But Neal Caffrey's never been a man who blindly does what someone tells him to do. He takes the gun and without the slightest hesitation, expels the round in the chamber and ejects the clip. 

The clip is empty. The round's a blank. Neal laughs.

"Get out." That's all Arthur says.

In a way, Neal's not unhappy with this development. He likes the idea of being a Kingsman, of being the hero he once thought his father was. To play games and save the world. But there are things he doesn't like, like the expectation that he'd have to kill or be killed.

That's not what Neal Caffrey is about - he might lie and steal and forge, he might seduce and con and cheat. He's not a killer and if he is to become Tristan and take a seat at the not-so-round table, he'd have no choice.

Neal taps his hand against his thigh and Raphael gets up and goes to his side. In the mode of a true gentleman, he wishes Arthur a good afternoon. As he's heading down to the barracks to gather up his personal gear and get out of this god-awful siren suit, Neal hears a shot ring out. Looks like Georgie was a good boy and followed orders. A new Tristan will be sitting at the table tonight.

Raphael sits and watches Neal as he packs up, and Neal realizes he has a problem.

"What am I going to do with you?"

Raphael barks, a happy sound.

"I can't take you with me, you know." Neal shoves the two books he'd brought with him - Vasari's _Lives of Artists_ and Castiglione's _The Courtier_ \- into the duffle bag and sits down on the cot. Raphael rests his head on Neal's knee, giving him an adoring look. 

Neal strokes the dog's head, letting his fingers weave through the coarse fur. He plays with Raphael's ears and grief wells up. Not for the lost opportunity - there will always be more of those - but for the friendships he's going to leave behind. 

Harry, who'd been a lover and friend, although under somewhat false pretenses. Merlin, who'd scared the crap out of him at first, but had taught him what true loyalty is (and it isn't shooting a dog). Andrew, the sly guardian at the tailor shop, and a dozen others who'd made an impression on Neal, who believed he could be something more than a thief and a con artist.

"Caffrey?" Merlin's standing door, likely waiting to escort him out and remind him that he needs to keep quiet about Kingsman - unless he wants his nearest and dearest to join him in a body bag.

"I'm done." He zips up his bag and hoists it over his shoulder, taking care not to wrinkle his jacket. No Kingsman suit will be his - no matter what Galahad's promised. He'll just have to make due with Armani.

"I'm sorry."

Neal shrugs. "Perhaps it's for the best."

Merlin smiles slightly, as if he almost agrees.

"Can I ask a favor?" Neal glances down at Raphael, who's now got his leash in his mouth.

Merlin shakes his head. "That won't be the favor you'll have from us. I'll rehome him for you."

Neal lets out a sigh of relief. He doesn't exactly know what's in store for him, but it's not going to be a life where he'll be able to care for a rather large hunting dog. He snaps his fingers and give Raphael a command. "Go with Merlin, be a good boy for him."

And naturally, Raphael trots over to Merlin and sits at his heels. 

"Thanks." He's about to leave when he realizes just what Merlin's said. "What do you mean, 'the favor you'll have from us'?"

Merlin clips on Raphael's leash and they both walk out of the barracks. "It customary to offer the last unsuccessful candidate a favor. A single favor that you can call in at any time." Merlin looks at Neal, a sly, calculating expression in his eyes. "As the Americans might say, a 'get out of jail free' card. You'll call the shop and ask for customer service, and to redeem the favor, just say 'oxfords, not brogues'. Got it?"

Neal has to laugh, but Merlin's clearly serious. "Yeah, I've got it. 'Oxfords, not brogues'." He not at all skeptical that Kingsman will stand by this promise, but Neal never plans to call it in.

There's a taxi waiting in the forecourt of the mansion and before Neal gets in it, Merlin hands him an envelope. "Your passport and compensation for your time." 

Neal takes it and doesn't bother to look in the envelope. He's sure that Kingsman has been as generous as they'd promised. He offers Merlin his hand. "Thank you, and please tell Harry that I'm sorry I let him down." That's not exactly the truth, and he's reluctant to leave with a lie. "No, tell Harry that I appreciate the chance he gave me, but even if it had been him asking, I still wouldn't have shot my dog."

"Aye, lad. That I will."

Neal pats Raphael's head and tells the dog, "Stay out of trouble."

Now Merlin does laugh. "You should take your own advice."

Neal chuckles and gets into the waiting cab. It's not one of Kingsman's special taxis, it's just a local car with cracked seats and dirty windows.

"Where to, guv?"

"Can you take me to Heathrow?"

"Sure thing."

The cab pulls around the forecourt and heads out. Neal doesn't look back.

__

FIN or perhaps, To Be Continued

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to follow me at my tumblr [Obscene Circus Ponies](http://elrhiarhodan.tumblr.com/), or on my old school (and much beloved) [Dreamwidth](http://elrhiarhodan.dreamwidth.org/) account.


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